A Xigbar Report

August 18th, 2007

Xemnas is gone, and I, Xigbar, am in charge. Let me note down what has happened so far...

To start, Axel burned down the entire castle, which we have two days to rebuild. He did this by cooking dinner (which as usual was burned), and leaving the gas going on the stove... and then playing with his lighter. Boom goes the kitchen, which quickly spread to the rest of the castle.

Demyx flooded the now non-existent bathrooms, and sent a bushel of title waves speeding down the stairways, into all the main hallways and rooms.

Roxas locked every door in the damn castle, and then locked himself in a closet, crying about how he shouldn't come out because he doesn't exist anyway and he has no point in life. Emo moment, much?

Larxene, in her bitchy constant-PMS-mood, made the static electricity in the castle so high that whenever you touch anything other than rubber, you get a shock strong enough to paralyze a rat or two.

Xaldin got pissed off, and created tons of little whirl winds, all around the castle. One of them destroyed Marluxia's garden, which in turn sent number XI on a rampage, and covered all the new construction with big, fat, thorny vines, making it impossible for anyone to finish rebuilding the castle.

Saix fucking flipped out at Riku, and killed him. One less enemy.

Luxord turned Sora into dice, and won't stop playing poker with him. He's been on a winning streak for the past five days, and Lexeaus is convinced that Sora's cheating somehow, and helping Luxord win. They got into a fist fight, and broke the poker table, which only got Luxord madder...

Vexen went into the library to get out a book on lobotomies, and found that the pages of every single book he picked up were out of order. He then got his answer to why they were like that when he saw Zexion sitting in the only dark, but yet still intact spot in the library with clean, and bloody pages strewn out around him. He was giving himself long paper cuts on his wrists in every direction. Roxas's emo mood has been beaten, that's for sure.

Later, I found frozen flower petals scattered throughout the hallway, which only means Marluxia and Vexen are "playing" together again.

Why the fuck does the castle go insane whenever Xemnas isn't here?

Is it because I'm in charge? Do they really have that little respect for me? It isn't fair, god damn it!

Shit, here comes Xaldin, and he appears to be in a stab-happy mood.

Gotta go!

~Xigbar, II